Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
