how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
