So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
