i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
