it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
