i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
As shirtless as possible
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
