i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
