Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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