You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
