Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
