this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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