i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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