this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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