wrigley field is MILF paradise
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
