so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
