haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
