I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
