So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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