So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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