First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
