Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize