he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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