I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
