Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
