I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
