What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
