she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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