I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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