glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
