Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
