You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
