Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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