I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
