just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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