You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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