Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
