So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
