Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
