I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
