Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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