the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
