I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize