i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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