Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
