worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
