i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Randomize
