Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
