I want to make a zoo with you.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
