You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
