On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
