literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
