He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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