my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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