After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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