My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
