Too much gin, very little bucket
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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