Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
