hotel room ftw
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wish my penis had a tongue
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
