What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
