Midget sex pt 2 tonight
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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