Kiss
Puke
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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