My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
