I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
