Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
