i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
