Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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