yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
