there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
50% drunk capacity currently
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
