Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
