I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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