don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
