and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
