I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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