The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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