i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
