When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He did a backflip because drugs
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