Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
