i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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