The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
