Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
